If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
-No
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
-yes
If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
-I don't know what you are talking about.
If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?
-Because Monkeys cloned each others and then they made experiments with nuclear... uhm... things and then the clones became humans.
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
-Dark magic.
Do penguins have knees?
-No
How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?
-Because they are meanies.
Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?
-Because Sally needs the money and if you buy three you get her "Special" services for free.
In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
-The bible is in the god section.
Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?
-Well.... his father and his mother had some problems at that time so his mother .....
If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?
-Maybe
Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?
-Because many people don't like chickens but ducks.
If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
-I guess your body can't do both or you would implode so yes, vacuum.
Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?
-Because you are a rich biatch.
Can you cry underwater?
-Yes
You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
-Sure or they will get sued.
If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
-Lol no, but his children would because they are born in the USA.
Why doesn't flavored gum turn your mouth that color?
-Because the guys who make the gums are too lazy to think of that.
If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
-Well the doctor is dead so I guess they would continue like nothing happened.
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
-Because you americans are sick and twisted.
If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?
-No
Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?
-I again don't know what that means.
Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?
-Yes sure everything else would be stupid.
If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called stand-up?
-Yes but the people who watch him has to stand up while he sits.
When the French swear do they say "pardon my English"?
-I don't get it.
Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?
-They fell it in their head.
How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?
-By accident.
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
-Chemistry... not really something I know about.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
-It's easier too touch wet paint than count stars.Humans are lazy.
If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?
-A gay king will get executed lol
Why are red buttons always the most important?
-Because the most important buttons are red
How is chess considered a sport?
-Because a bunch of jerks tried to get a better image like the football guys.... it failed.
If a hermaphrodite got sent to a certain gender prison, which one would it get sent to?
-He has to switch every week.
If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"?
-Yes.
If you get chemo-therapy do you lose your pubic hairs?
-And again I don't get it.
Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?
-Because they all are the real Abe.He has a time machine.
How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up?
-Because this guys are jealous.I know that.I am very childish.
If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?
-don't get it
If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?
-You would get caught in the middle of earth.
Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?
-Don't get it.
Where do all the daylight savings hours go?
-Don't get it.
Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?
-Because it would look stupid.
What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror, spiling salt on the way?
-You don't wanna know that.Last time that happened Hitler tried to take over the world.
Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his Ass?
-He doesn't do that.He is a horror film guy.Is anything more horroible than a guy with a poo ass?
How young can you be, but still die of old age?
-63 1/4
What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?
-Nothing.
Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?
-sure he just sees the guys on the right with the left eye.
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
-Because they trust in god.
If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had sthingys?
-LOL!!!Because he can't grab anything with his "hands".
What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?
-Then you say:"Ouch"
Can you read a picture book?
-No.
Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?
-Just if you eat the upper half.
Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts!
-Don't get it.
If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?
-You won't see anything I guess.Someone should try this.
What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?
-Don't get it because I dn't know anything about football.
What shape is the sky?
-What means shape?
If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead?
-Yes.
Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?
-Well there are a few guys... I mean look at Bush.
If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking?
-Both.
If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?
-Yes, they wanted it that way.But if it's a guy you don't like you won't because you won't do them a faivour.
What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?
-Don't get it.
There you got it wow.